


The Chemistry Between Us

by arcticsheen



Category: Suede (Band), The London Suede
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Kinda, M/M, i wrote this for liza you can read it if you want to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 09:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18427544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcticsheen/pseuds/arcticsheen
Summary: "Is that the only chemistry between us?"





	The Chemistry Between Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [metal_mickey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metal_mickey/gifts).



> This is for Liza, thank you for encouraging me to write my first Suede fic and also my first fic in English this is a big step for me; thank you for always being there babe, I'm sorry for the mistakes, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it; I love you so much Liz. Hope this isn’t as shitty and cringey as I think it is.  
> Also, thank you to Jean for being the first one to check it; your words cheered me up a lot, and an especial thanks to my dear Deffy for check and correct the mistakes I love you so much Deff I don't know what I would do without you.  
> P.S.: I’m sorry for the cheesy title I have no imagination.
> 
> P.S.: I’m sorry for the cheesy title I have no imagination.

It was late in the AM, Richard had just got back to his hotel room and he was drunk. He put on his pyjamas with a bit of trouble and stared at the ceiling which didn't stop spinning around like everything else in the room, including his head. He got up again and went to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth and drink some water from the tap. Then he opened the window and rested his arms on the windowsill enjoying the fresh air from Switzerland, where they were currently touring, and letting it sober him. He gazed at the clear dark sky full of stars that were moving too fast and sank on his thoughts which were moving just as fast as everything else around him. He shouldn't have drunk that much but Neil was very convincing when he wanted to and a bit of party from time to time doesn't hurt anyone, does it? The problem was that he was partying too much just to get drunk because he didn't know how to manage all that was happening in his life. He had joined the band almost two years ago and people were still comparing him to Bernard, even then that they’d released a few amazing singles he co-wrote, he still had to read all those magazines reminding him that he wasn't Bernard Butler and he would never be, that he was too young and inexpert. There were good articles too but the bad ones were damn hard to ignore for him. The pressure of not being good enough was starting to affect his self-esteem. He tried to put on earrings and dye his hair black, change his style to fit more on the Suede aesthetic and feel better with himself but nothing seemed to work, he would always be the new boy, the seventeen-year-old new boy who was too young and was going to ruin Suede because he wasn’t tall and skinny and attractive and talented like Bernard.  
Another of his problems was no other than Brett Anderson himself. He’d always felt admiration for him and he wasn’t going to lie he thought he was very attractive since he first saw him on TV at the age of fifteen, but now that he actually knew him, that they were friends and bandmates, he felt something more than admiration and he didn’t know what to do about it. Brett was much more than he seemed. He was nice and kind and along with the rest of the band, he always took care of him. But that one last thing was part of the problem, everyone saw him as a kid, like a little brother, even Neil who hadn’t been in the band for a full year then treated him like a child. Everyone called him “kid” or “puppy” and always looked after him and that was partly nice partly annoying. He was almost nineteen, he was an adult and even if that made him feel loved and important he also wanted to be treated like everyone else, how could Brett see him as he wanted him to see him if he wasn’t anything more than a child for everyone?  
He was feeling more sober now, the air did well to him and he thought that maybe he could finally lay down without feeling the need of throwing up. But after he took off his socks and was about do the same with his glasses someone knocked on the door.  
“Richard? You awake?” the deep voice of the man that had been haunting his thoughts for the last hour came from the other side. “Puppy?” he called again using that cute and annoying pet name that made Richard’s heart melt.  
Richard went to open the door and saw a very wasted Brett. His light blue eyes were half-closed and red and his pupils were dilated. He was obviously high. Richard raised an eyebrow asking without words what he was doing there at those ungodly hours.  
“I’ve lost my key. Can I stay here?” he asked dragging the words on his tongue.  
Richard set aside and let him in closing the door after him. Brett fell face down on the bed and took off his shoes. Wait, was he planning to sleep on his bed? Where would he sleep then?  
“Thanks, Richie.” Said Brett and then he turned his face that was sunk in the pillow to look at Richard who was sitting on the armchair making himself comfortable covering himself with a blanket. “What are you doing?” asked Brett.  
“Well, isn’t it obvious? It’s late, I’m gonna sleep.”  
“On the armchair?”   
“You’re in my bed.”  
“Don’t be stupid. C’mere.” Brett said making space for him in the bed.  
What? Was he saying what Richard thought he was saying? Was he suggesting them to sleep on the same bed? Together?  
“C’mon I won’t bite you.” Brett gave him a playful half-smile. “Unless you want me to.” Richard blushed and lowered his head hiding his red cheeks behind his hair. Brett let out a guffaw. “Just kidding kid.”  
Richard stood up reluctantly and sat on the bed lying slowly until he was completely lying down staring uncomfortably at the ceiling. Brett put the cover over both of them and closed his eyes. Richard thought that he could probably wait until Brett was asleep so he could go to sleep somewhere else, it was going to be impossible to sleep with the man he fancied by his side. But again, Brett changed his plans because he put an arm over his middle-section half hugging him and Richard felt his stomach doing pirouettes and his heart jumping as Brett got so close he could feel his warm breath on his neck. He started to get nervous. That was too much for him.  
“You’re an amazing guitarist y’know?” He said all of sudden.  
“What?” Richard asked. He was confused.  
“What I’ve said. I can see it in your eyes and your attitude. I know all those bad reviews hurt you even if you roll your eyes and throw the magazines away. I don’t care what they say; I don’t care about what anyone says, you’re a fucking awesome guitarist. The fact that you’re this young makes it even more amazing, a lot of guitarists could only wish to be that good at that age.” Then Richard was truly confused. Brett said all of that barely articulating, breathing in his neck. Those words made him feel really good he wasn’t going to lie but why would Brett say that at that moment.  
“What is all this about?”  
“I just wanted you to know. I like you a lot okay? I love that you’re in the band and I love having you around.” Brett got even closer putting his body fully against Richard’s.  
“Brett you’re high.” Richard didn’t know where that conversation was leading to but he was starting to get even more uncomfortable, he didn’t want to have fake hopes about Brett’s feelings for him. He was just drugged and talking nonsense because of that.  
“Yeah, and what about it?” He could feel Brett’s smile against his skin. What was he doing?  
“You should sleep,” Richard answered with a shaky voice. He felt his mouth dry and his tongue heavy. A tingling feeling was going through all of his body and he felt his hands shaking.  
“Should I?” he said leaving a short kiss on his neck. Richard felt the air leaving his lungs and his throat closing making it hard to breathe.  
“I- What are you doing?”  
“Nothing.” He gave Richard a devilish smile and then he proceeded to leave a path of short kisses from behind Richard’s ear to his shoulder. Richard felt his insides twist.  
“Brett… You’re- You’re high…” repeated Richard with difficulty.  
“Yeah, I know, you already said that.” Richard didn’t know what to say next, especially when he felt Brett’s tongue on his earlobe where then he softly bit. “Is this okay?” Brett asked whispering in his ear making him shiver and giving him goosebumps.  
For a while, Richard’s mind went blank. He didn’t know what to answer. Of course, that felt okay. More than okay but was it okay? Brett was high and he wasn’t fully sober yet. What should he say?  
“Richard?” Brett called.  
“Yeah- yeah, it’s okay.” He answered without thinking. He would have time to regret everything in the morning but for once he was going to allow himself to enjoy. Perhaps this would be his only chance for him to be with Brett like he wanted, for Brett to look at him like he wanted to.  
Brett got up and placed himself over Richard holding himself with his arms putting them on each side of Richard’s head. He used one hand to take off Richard’s glasses and leave them on the nightstand and then cupped Richard’s face with that same hand. He sank his long fingers on his black hair and stroked his cheek with his thumb staring at Richard’s blue eyes. He half-smiled and then lowered his head to leave soft kisses all over the boy’s face: his cheekbones, his eyelids, his forehead, his cheeks, his chin, and his nose. Richard had his eyes closed and his lips parted. He was breathing heavily and getting impatient. All of that felt nice he felt like floating on air but he wanted Brett to kiss him, to kiss him on the lips. He opened his eyes again a Brett was looking at him smiling in adoration.  
“You’re so pretty,” Brett said and Richard didn’t know what to answer, he wasn’t good at taking compliments and he wasn’t expecting that. He felt his cheeks blushing even more if that was possible and Brett giggled.  
Brett brushed Richard’s lower lip with his thumb and put his forehead against Richard’s. None of them closed their eyes and they both smiled seeing how the other’s face distorted due to the closeness. Richard couldn’t believe that a man as gorgeous as Brett was on top of him with that precious smile with thin dark pink lips and perfect teeth and those high cheekbones and beautiful blue eyes that contrasted with his pale skin and his dyed black hair. He was so tall and skinny and talented, he was too much for him. Richard always considered himself average, rather ugly to be fair, he didn’t consider that there was anything special or attractive about him but he wasn’t going to let those thoughts dominate him when a man like that was looking at him with that much sweetness and hunger.  
Finally, Brett broke the distance between them kissing him. At first, he just let his lips rest against Richard’s and then they both started to move their lips in perfect synchrony. Brett stroked Richard’s arm until he reached his hand to intertwine their fingers and put them beside Richard’s head and then he did the same with his other hand. Brett licked Richard’s lips and he opened more his mouth to let Brett’s tongue in. They brushed each other’s tongues with their own in an incredibly soft and slow kiss. Richard couldn’t believe how sweet and tender Brett was being. To be honest he thought that Brett was looking for a quick fuck. But that was nice. That was amazing. All his nervousness was replaced for a warm and pleasant feeling on his chest and stomach. He thought he could stay like that forever with their fingers intertwined and their tongues tangled. Brett broke the kiss and a thin thread of saliva hung between their mouths, they both smiled breathlessly and Brett broke it leaving a quick kiss on Richard’s lips before starting to kiss him again but that time the kiss was faster more feral and needy. Richard felt his whole body on fire; the whole situation was getting out of his hands. Did he want to have sex with Brett? He got his answer the next second when Brett thrust his hips against his rubbing their crotches together and instead of pleasure, he felt panic.  
“Stop,” Richard said quickly. He wasn’t ready for that and he mustn’t forget that Brett wasn’t in his full right mind.  
“I’m sorry. That was too fast wasn’t it?” Brett answered hiding his face on Richard’s neck.  
“It’s okay.” He sighed. ”I’m just not ready. I’m sorry.” He said looking away in embarrassment. He was just showing how much of a kid he was, how inexpert he was and God how he wished he could just stay quiet and push himself to give Brett what he wanted. But he couldn’t. He missed his only chance to be with Brett, he felt so stupid. He felt his cheeks on fire and the tears tickling behind his eyes. If he cried he completely would make a fool of himself. He couldn’t show more weakness and childishness in front of Brett so he held back the tears and swallowed a sob.  
“Don’t worry. It’s okay.” Brett let go of Richard’s hands and fell by his side. “We should probably sleep. It’s late.” Brett turned off the light and closed his eyes and in a matter of minutes, he was soundly asleep.  
Richard couldn’t believe it. Apparently, he was a quick fuck after all. Too bad for Brett he was a fucking baby with no experience and a coward. He couldn’t find in Richard what he was looking for. He finally let out a sob. He didn’t only feel ridiculous and embarrassed he also felt used, but what could he expect? He wasn’t enough for the great, amazing and incredibly attractive Brett Anderson, he was lucky he got wasted enough to even look at him in that way. He sighed and tried to sleep the sun was about to raise and his head hurt.  
He woke up approximately five hours later feeling the hungover even in his bones. Damn Neil. He noticed that Brett was hugging him from behind his chest against his back, his arm around him and their legs intertwined. The heat was pleasant, it felt nice and cosy but suddenly the events of the night before hit him as hard as if he was hit by a high-speed train and he felt again full of shame. He felt the urge to throw up so he carefully untangled their limbs and went to the bathroom. He put the door on the latch and threw up on the toilet then he brushed his teeth and took a quick shower being as quiet as possible to not wake up Brett. He dried himself, put the towel around his waist avoiding under any circumstances to look at his reflection on the mirror and went outside the bathroom to quickly get dressed. He put on his glasses, shoved his mobile phone in his pocket and grabbed his boots in one hand and his door key with the other. He didn’t want to put the boots before leaving just in case the sound of the heels would wake Brett but last night he was so wasted that Richard bet he would sleep through a civil war. He put the boots on at the door and went to the canteen to have some breakfast. It was almost lunchtime but his stomach was empty and he could use a bit of coffee and ibuprofen.  
When he got in he saw Neil, Mat, and Simon having breakfast as well. Mat was reading the newspaper and Neil and Simon were chatting and laughing about something. He grabbed a cup of coffee and some eggs with bacon and went to the table where his bandmates were sitting. He put his still wet hair behind his ears and took a sip from his cup.  
“Morning baby,” Neil said with his usual bright smile and energy. He drank far much more than him, how was he so fresh?  
“Morning kid,” Simon said and Mat just nodded his head in his direction too focused on whatever he was reading.  
“Morning.” Richard greeted them as well.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Like crap,” Richard answered taking another sip and stuffing the food in his mouth.  
“Here.” Neil handed him a pill. He always could trust Neil. He thanked him and swallowed the pill.  
“Have you seen Brett?” asked Mat. Richard almost choked with his food and before he could say anything that would put him in a tight spot Mat continued. ”He’s not in his room and he isn’t answering his phone either, I’m starting to get worried. He could be anywhere in various states of intoxication.”  
“He’s in my room,” Richard answered shyly. “He came very high saying that he had lost his keys and if he could stay.” He managed to tell everything calmly and without sounding suspicious.  
“It’s a good thing he’s at least alive.” Mat said.  
“Wait, where did you sleep?” Neil asked and Richard felt his heart on his throat.  
“On the armchair.”  
“No shit you’re feeling so bad it must’ve been so uncomfortable!” Neil exclaimed. “You should’ve come to my room! You know mine has two beds.” Neil said as a worried and angry mom and frowned staring at him.  
“I didn’t want to bother you. It was late I supposed you passed out as soon as your head touched the pillow.” Richard defended himself.  
“Well, you’re right but you’re never a bother you stupid. If you ever need something you let me know and if I’m asleep you wake me up, understand?” Neil sentenced.  
Neil adopted him as his child since he met him. He overprotected and took care of him like a mom. They became friends fast and Neil always had a soft spot for him he couldn’t avoid to be like that with Richard he practically was still a teen and he felt it was his duty to keep him safe.  
“Yes, mom.” Richard rolled his eyes and Simon laughed.  
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Neil said playfully and Richard smiled at him finishing his breakfast.  
“Talk of the devil…” Simon said making everyone turn their heads to see Brett walking through the door in a very deplorable state. Richard felt immediately sick.  
“Morning.” Brett greeted in a cracked voice after sitting beside Mat with a cup of coffee on his hand.  
“You got me worried you, wanker.” Mat reproached.  
“I’m sorry Matty, couldn’t find my key. Thank God Richard was awake.” Brett smiled at him. Richard felt panic and quickly took his phone out of his pocket.  
“My sister is calling me I have to take this.” He pretended he pressed a button on his phone a put it on his ear while he got up from his chair. “Hi, Katie!” He said hurrying to the door and leaving the canteen.  
He practically ran to his room and locked the door. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, then he opened the window to smoke a cigarette, he didn’t even smoke, just an occasional cigarette usually shared with someone else but Neil left his pack on his jacket the night before and he thought that maybe it would help him to calm down. He sat on the windowsill and looked at the clouded sky. He didn’t think about how he was going to face Brett now. Did he even remember anything? He was pretty high, to be honest. Was he going to pretend that nothing happened? What about his feelings? Brett always took care of him why would he use and hurt him like that? He couldn’t even bear to look him in the face now without feeling embarrassed what was he going to do? Being in a band was his dream since he could remember and Suede was his dream band since he first listened to The Drowners back in 1992 he wasn’t going to leave because of that but what else could he do? Now that he knew what Brett’s kisses were like he didn’t want anything else in his life. If he thought that it was going to be hard to get over him before, then he knew it was going to be impossible. Everything that he saw when he closed his eyes was the night before the episode and he found himself smiling while the tickling feeling took his body again. He knew he was fucked up.  
“What did you do?” Neil asked Brett in a serious voice.  
“What?” Brett answered confused.  
“What you’ve heard. What did you do last night that Richard fled as soon as you came?” Neil said again.  
“Calm down Neil his sister called him you don’t have to overprotect him like that.” Simon put a hand on his cousin’s shoulder.  
“Simon, no one was calling him. He lied. You know he lied. He’s a terrible liar he’s practically transparent.” Neil complained. “So what did you do to him, Brett?”  
“Dude I was high as fuck I don’t remember shit from last night and as far as I can tell I got there and immediately fell asleep.” Brett lied. He, unlike Richard, was a wonderful liar.  
“Maybe he had something to do and didn’t want to tell us don’t be like that Neil,” Simon said again.  
“Well apparently you must’ve said or did something ‘cause he was upset.” Neil crossed his arms over his chest ignoring Simon.  
“We have a gig tonight why don’t you go and ask him just in case?” suggested Mat. “If you were that high and you fell asleep almost as soon as you got there it couldn’t be that bad could it?”  
“I guess you’re right,” Brett answered. His lie bit him in the ass. What was he going to say to Richard? He behaved like an asshole he was sure Richard didn’t even want to see him. He thought that he might be able to act as anything happened and go on with their lives but apparently, it affected Richard more than he thought it would but what was he expecting? Richard was far too inexperienced to act indifferent about a situation like that. He truly fucked it up this time.  
“So? What are you waiting for? Go find him.” Neil hurried him.  
“Let me finish my coffee at least.”  
Brett didn’t go immediately to look for Richard. First of all, he went to the reception desk to ask for a copy of his key and pay for his lost key then he went to his room to brush his teeth, take a shower and change his clothes. He smelled as bad as he felt. He took a painkiller and took his time to clean himself thinking about what he was going to tell Richard. He didn’t know how he felt about him. He liked him that was for sure. He liked him as soon as he put a foot on the studio for the first time being all shy and innocent but also funny and nice trying to play it cool in front of them choking on the smoke of his first cigarette. He was a sweetheart but he could be a little bitch when he wanted to and Brett liked that. And he was really pretty and a hell of a good guitarist. He couldn’t afford to lose another good guitarist and an amazing person because of his impulsive behaviour. He couldn’t postpone the talk for so much longer so he dried himself and put on some clean clothes before going to Richard’s room and knocking on the door.  
“Go away, Neil!” Richard’s voice came from the other side.  
“I’m not Neil,” Brett answered.  
“Go away, Brett!” Richard replied.  
“Let me in. I need to talk to you.” He pleaded.  
“I don’t want to talk to you.”  
“This is important. Please let me in.” Richard stayed silent and Brett knocked again. “Puppy? Please?” He said in a low and sweet voice.  
After a few seconds, Richard opened the door and stared at him from behind his glasses.  
“Hi…” Brett said scratching his nape.  
“What do you want?” Richard said in a sharp tone.  
“Just need to talk with you? Can I get in?”  
Richard sighed and let him in locking the door behind them and stared at Brett with his arms crossed on his chest.  
“Well?” Richard said. “I’m waiting.”  
“First of all, I’m sorry.” Well, that caught Richard with his guard low. He wasn’t expecting Brett to apologise. “I shouldn’t have acted in the way I did yesterday. You deserve so much more and you mean so much more than that to me. You’re my friend and I was high and you were drunk I feel like I took advantage of you. It won’t happen again I’m sorry.” Brett didn’t think before he spoke he just let the words out looking at Richard’s blue eyes in shame. Richard felt partly good for the apology and partly bad because Brett was just high, he didn’t want him he was just a friend for him and he would always be.  
“I wasn’t that drunk… I could’ve stopped you.” Richard looked away embarrassed of himself. What was he trying to say there? Was he going to confess his feelings? No, he couldn’t, Brett would hate him. Brett stepped closer.  
“Then why didn’t you stop me?”  
“ ‘Cause… ‘cause I-“ Richard couldn’t find his voice. Was he going to confess?  
“You…?” Brett encouraged him to continue getting closer.  
“Because I wanted it.” He finally whispered. “I wasn’t ready to continue but I wanted it. I want it. I like you Brett and if someone should be sorry for taking advantage of anyone that should be me. You weren’t on your right mind and you clearly don’t want that. I’m sorry.” Once he started he couldn’t stop talking and he didn’t know why he said all that. Richard felt the tingling feeling and the need of throwing up again. There was no going back, he kept his gaze on the floor expecting the worst but instead, he felt two fingers on his cheek pushing his face to make him turn his gaze upwards.  
“Hey, no, don’t be sorry,” Brett said softly. “Look at me, babe.” Richard felt his heart racing. Did Brett just call him babe? “I want it too. I like you too” Was he dreaming? He wanted him too. “It’s okay. We’ll do it when you’re ready there’s no need to hurry. We have time.” Brett smiled and Richard couldn’t speak. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He wanted to do that again. He was staring at Brett with his baby blue eyes wide open.  
Brett put his hands on his cheeks and stroked his cheekbones with his thumbs just like he did the night before, staring at him with the same smile of adoration and tenderness. Perhaps Brett wasn’t sure of his feelings at all but he was sure that he liked him and wanted to be more than friends. He broke the distance and kissed him. Again the kiss was slow and tender with lazy tongues rubbing against each other. Brett took his hands off of Richard’s face to put them around his waist pulling their bodies as close as possible. Richard with a bit of doubt put his arms around Brett’s neck and as the kiss deepened and hurried he sank his hands in Brett’s long black hair. They didn’t know how much time they spent just kissing and caressing and enjoying each other when someone knocked on the door. Richard quickly got away from Brett but Brett’s hands on his waist tightening his grip didn’t allow him to.  
“It’s everything okay?” Neil’s worried voice asked. “We have to go to rehearsal.”  
“Yes!” Brett said back turning his face to the door. “We’ll be out in a minute!”  
Brett turned his head to face Richard again and gave him several short kisses on the lips; finally, he kissed his nose and let him go. When he was about to open the door Brett stopped him and grabbed his chin with his finger and his thumb making him look up to give him a final peck on the lips and a bright smile. Richard felt dizzy and beyond happy. He wanted more. He didn’t want the moment to end but duty called. Damn Neil.


End file.
